So breaking away from my ex was one of the hardest things I've had to...when it rains it pours with me.
After my ex split, I've had to deal with living back home. My dad having to take care of me and my mom who has Alzeheimer's ( or however you spell it)..dealing with possible bankruptcy, and dealing with having to move to a place to have a roof over my head. When my parents move back to the PI, they will be save and taken care of.
But their grandchildren will not have them and I will not have a home to run to anymore.
On top of all of that, I have a few months of school to deal with. which means having to deal with a part-time job I'm not really good at, just to make ends meet.
I cried nearly everyday.
My friends are somewhat there for me, but there is no one who is truly there. Not like my ex. even he has issues to deal with outside of me.
The relationship I could do without. But losing the friendship really hurt.
I tried to look online for someone. but it can't happen.
Everyone tells me, "things will get better" or "you'll find someone better suited for you" but I truly don't believe it. What also hurts is that I'm another trail of his ex-girlfriends that he broke it off with because I didn't meet his standards. I truly thought I was different. But there were conditions to be with him.
I went out with a friend today. And it made me realize that, I've got to help my dad out more. moping around the house and not doing anything, put alot of responsibility on him.
I think that maybe if my parents took the time to talk to me about what I was going through..all of the sadness that I hav eto cope with, that at least I would make an effort to help. I realized that I was and am depressed for a number of years. Because I never truly had a decent dialogue with them.
It just wasn't apart of my family, I guess.
So I looked outside for love. and now that I've lost it. I am in a deep depression. I can't afford care so...i'm having to deal. It's not like when I was 20, where I was resilient and optimistic.
Now, at 32, I want a deep connection and relationship. but everyone around me is practically married and having their 2nd or 3rd kid.
I don't want to hang out with couples...it sucks.